Dominatrix Next Door

photo credit: BCJ Photography

“[I]ntractably submissive men are actually often the biggest misogynists around: their worship of dominant women is the only way they can indulge deviant sexual desires while keeping their virgin/whore complexes intact. The dominant woman and the puritan virgin are in fact quite similar. They are both impenetrable fortresses of untouchable femininity; the woman-as-what-you-can’t-ever-have. The danger of actuality, of real possession, of the sex act and what follows in all its sticky complexities—which we never resolve because it’s no part of the stories of pursuit and courtship on which men and women alike are raised; stories that end with a fade-to-black on the way to the bedroom—is conveniently never reached, and the man can remain in a safe, comfortable state of unfulfilled torment.

Our culture has no idea what to do with happiness or with the getting of what one wants. Out of Puritan (since most Christian religion is the biggest tease-and-denial scene around, especially Calvinism) roots has sprung an obese and greedy modern America, never content to stay still in the having, but always needing to want something else, the next thing beyond your hand’s reach. What we get, what we have gotten is reviled, and for this reason, women who want to have sex are told by conservative men and feminist women that they simply must resign themselves to their partners’ being disgusted by them. If we choose to have sex because, for fuck’s sake, sex is fun, we cease to be a challenge and so become (we’re told) effectively worthless. Male cultural dominance is blatantly asserted in this sexual pattern simply by the fact that the man is the one who can tire of the woman. The woman is gotten—the man pursues and, once getting the woman, gets to be sick of her; or, in the more popular faux-sensitive contemporary liberal version, gets to be really, really tormented about the fact that he’s now sick of her. Napoleon knew that once a country is conquered, you move on the next unconquered country. The dominatrix appears to turn this roleplay on its head, but in fact does no such thing. She merely permanently stalls the process at the second-to-last step, still in the wanting but never the having, so that the man never loses interest. Even the sex act, in the most extreme male-submissive fantasies, lacks climax or satisfaction. In this way the dominatrix is exactly the same as the girl who keeps waiting one more date to actually fuck whoever she’s dating, in the certainty that she can only keep his interest as long as she keeps him frustrated. One of these women would be called “tease” in a worshipful tone, and the other in a derogatory tone, but the meanings are effectively synonymous.”

- from Kinky Sex for Social Justice

I wanted to quote the whole thing, but this seemed the most topical.

You could read the essay for the hot photos, which have made me desperately want to dye my hair back red again. And yes, she is even more toothsome in person. But also, for me? Read it for the part where she concludes that kinky and radical sex is about honesty.

I hope honesty is revolutionary. Can you imagine spending all this time otherwise on a masturbatory and self-serving sex blog?

Posted in pictures, blogging, the double standard, feminism, pro domination, submission (or the lack thereof), activism, shame