They Never Believe Me
March 1st,You have bruises on your thighs.
Oh — it’s nothing.
Did you get those here? By “here”, he means the Midtown dungeon where he has hired me to play submissive.
Oh, no.
Then who?
One of my boyfriends. It’s the easiest word.
He beat you?
Yes.
And you liked it?
Very much.
Did he fuck you afterward?
He did.
Does he fuck you in the ass?
Yes, he does.
Does he have a big cock?
He does — I love it.
He’s quiet for a moment, and then he hits me with the flogger. It falls higher than I like, at the base of my neck, but I don’t say anything. It is light and I am not breakable.
Your boyfriend lets you fuck other men? he asks me.
Why not? I’m a lot to handle. Again, an easy answer.
They don’t mind you doing this?
No. Another.
He wraps the flogger so it hits my breast. I jump. Then the other side.
If I were your boyfriend, you wouldn’t have to do this.
He’s laying into the bruises on my thighs now, punctuating his words, the tips of the soft flogger flicking up between my legs. He sounds a little angry, and it makes me sad.
They never believe me. Why would they? Women don’t actually fuck. Women don’t actually get off on pain. Women don’t actually choose to be sex workers.
I know I’ve said it before, but I’m not selling my body to change the world. I’m here to make a living and get you off. I believe it can really be that simple. You can have my modesty, and my dignity, and my body. Leave me my agency.
March 1st, at 6:56 pm
I do see it as that simple. Sex workers are simply providing a service in return for money, like doctors and accountants. They don’t enjoy every minute of the job, but what worker does, in any industry? It’s only our society’s confusion of morality with sex that makes it any more complicated.
March 1st, at 7:51 pm
Reading this made me a little sad. Not for your choices! But for the disbelief you encounter. You own yourself, you do as you choose. It’s a shame that others aren’t willing to accept that.
xx Dee
March 2nd, at 2:05 am
“If I were your boyfriend, you wouldn’t have to do this.”
Yes, I’ve had a version of this, although it was “If you were my girl I wouldn’t let you do this”, from the man who was doing it.
Because women can be controlled, and they wouldn’t do “this”, whatever it was, if they only had someone to take care of them properly: then they wouldn’t have to pretend they had free will. Oh yes, the Madonna/Whore complex is still alive and writhing.
March 2nd, at 3:38 am
Ha!
God that just makes me laugh every time I read it.
Clients can be so silly, non?
March 2nd, at 10:08 am
It’s not a client thing. It’s a people thing.
March 2nd, at 11:07 am
Yeah! I mean, it seems like if you’ve got agency then you get your body and dignity back when the scene’s over, whatever the scene. But if they take your agency then even if they have the best intentions, they’re not just dehumanizing you they’re inviting everyone else to dehumanize you too.
Great example, Calico.
figleaf