So you want to see a sex worker, and you’re worried about etiquette?

None of my advice has changed in the year since I wrote this, so I think it’s pretty solid.

Tip.

As with any service profession, I think 15-20% is standard for good service. If you plan to be a regular, tipping will endear you. If you see other girls who permit grabbiness, pushiness or other disrespectful behavior, tipping may excuse you. (Though you’ll never tip me, because I’ll throw you out of your session.)

You are never under any obligation or expectation to tip. If you ask for what you want and are satisfied with what I offer, you’ll get an outstanding session for list price, every time. Tipping’s not necessary.

What does tipping do for you, then? It makes you more memorable to me, and the session more rewarding. Since I do not expect anything in the way of tips, they tend to go into the fluff and fun portion of my budget. Your $20 (or $60, or $100) means that when I treat myself to a meal I might’ve skipped or an indulgent cab ride home, you (and your naked body) will cross my mind appreciatively. And if you plan to be a regular, you may get that extra 20% of enthusiasm next time.

In short: even a little is always worth it.

Ask for what you want.

I think this applies in all areas of life, but especially in sex work. If you are too shy, too repressed, or otherwise unwilling to ask for what you want, you will be disappointed when you don’t get it. Maybe you’ll get lucky and your provider will either suss out your darkest desire, or give you a satisfactory substitute — but don’t count on it. We are not mind readers. We also don’t take kindly to the implication that we’re bad providers if we don’t offer extra (or different) services beyond the contracted. Failure to communicate means an unsatisfactory session for you, and a frustrating one for us.

The guys who get the best sessions from me go so far as to bring letters describing their kinks. I really admire how forthright some of them can be.

Take what you like, and leave the rest.

So, you fancy over-the-knee spanking. When you see me, that’s all you get, in all the variations you like and none of the ones that horrify you. So why insult the cross on the wall, scoff at the toys hanging by the door, and act squeamish about the services I offer to other clients? I know you probably have trouble accepting your kink — lots of people do — but villifying others won’t legitimize yours. Stop voting Republican already! If all my clients thought like you, I’d be out of a job, which isn’t really what you want.

Respect your provider.

This is a large category, but I will try to pick out a few points.

First: the stereotypes. When you see me, you are booking with a sweet, safety-conscious, intelligent professional. Stupid and drug-addled is not a role I play, so if you treat me that way, I will throw you out.

I understand you’ve encountered many stereotypes about sex workers. We have youth, inexperience, stupidity, drug problems, low self-esteem, poor education, and precarious lives. However, I possess none of these (besides the youth, which is quite apparent when you choose to see me). If you can’t get over your prejudices and this bothers you, don’t see me. You’ll only find me disgusting, and my resentment aside, you’ll have an unsatisfying session.

Perhaps you just don’t believe that someone as good as I appear would voluntarily indulge in the kinks for which you condemn yourself. To you, I say: there are thousands of professional doms in the country, some of them published authors and accomplished professionals in other, more “legitimate” fields. Find one whose sanity, competence and willingness pleases you.

Also, therapy.

Don’t haggle.

Don’t bitch about the price of a session. If it’s too expensive, don’t buy it, or go elsewhere. Pleading for more time, more services, or more intimacy is rude and insulting. You don’t go to an upscale restaurant to complain about portion size and the waitress’s neckline; you go to the dive bar down the street instead.

Do not, under any circumstances, mutter as you leave that your money will just go to buy me more crack for my abusive boyfriend.

Be clean.

It sounds obvious, but… shower. Seriously. I do not care what weight you are, what color, what religion, or how many nipples or testicles you have. (Yes, it varies.) I care if you smell. Cologne is unpleasant, too.

On the other hand, if you want something up your ass, you don’t necessarily need to give yourself an enema. (Let me! Let me! I mean…) Let your comfort level be the arbiter.

Play safe.

Allow your provider any safety measures she wants: gloves, condoms, towels, papers, sheets. Don’t ever delude yourself that money means your comfort comes before our safety. Don’t take offense and protest that you’re “clean”. It’s a simple syllogism: if you have to tell us, you can’t prove it, and we’d rather not worry anyway.

We always appreciate when you offer to help clean up. Especially if you come on the floor. Ick. Don’t do that.

Accept the “no”.

Sex workers have a grand history of offering illegal (and thus unspoken/implied) services. I do not. You, the client, never know this for sure. Believe it or not, I don’t mind (that much) if you ask me for something illegal: a handjob, blowjob, sex, whatever. I will tell you no politely and firmly.

The proper response is to accept the “no”.

Improper responses include:
“But you made me so turned on, you have to take care of it!”
“Please, I’ll do anything you want!”
“Do you really think I’m a cop?”
“I know you want to; I can tell I turn you on.”
“Who’s going to know but you and me?”
“The other girls do it.”
“I’ll tip you ($xx).”

At first all of these arguments puzzle a sex worker, who is after all just a well-meaning person who hates to refuse a request. But trust me, after a couple weeks we have smart comebacks for all of them. We never feel the slightest obligation.

Do not, under any circumstances, try to physically force your provider into doing something she has refused. Don’t pull down her panties. Don’t try to slide her bra straps off her shoulders. Don’t try to fondle her, hold her down, grab her, hump her, or pull her hand onto your penis. That is assault; you shouldn’t count on the sex-work stigma to separate your provider from the protection of the police. The best you can hope for is a knee to the testicles and a swift end to the session.

Respect your provider’s privacy.

Follow her instructions — manner of contacting her, and when, where and how to arrive and leave. Not only do these procedures ensure you a quiet, confidential and unhurried experience, but they ensure her safety and peace of mind.

Remember, nothing “earns” you special treatment: not repeat visits, not extravagant tipping, not gifts or protestations of affection. She did not promise you anything, and she owes you nothing. If she wants you to have her personal phone or her home address, she will give it to you. If she offers outcall, dinner dates, or shopping excursions, she will tell you about them.

Pressuring a provider to offer these services will usually be unsuccessful, and is always rude. Hire someone else.

Posted in anal sex, misogyny, pro domination, sex work, explanation, fantasy facilitation, (il)legalities, service topping, money, enemas, tipping, STDs, stereotypes, privacy